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Going to the Mat for Dorothy
by Jill Kuraitis
Vince gave me Dorothy’s story to read, and here’s what I said: GO DOROTHY! ::::goofy little happy dance::: Dorothy is my new hero. I love people who are willing to go to the mat for a cause, especially one having to do with the elderly, children, the disabled and less fortunate than we.
Since Vince and I have been overwhelmed by the swamp of details of taking care of our family elderly for about, oh, 13 years – my parents, his aunt and uncle, pretty soon his mom – nobody knows better than us how utterly nonsensical the systems are.
Our friends call us “The Geezer Whisperers” and email us for advice dealing with their relatives’ health care paperwork nightmares. Since Vince has a deep understanding of how American health care got to a point of old ladies being dragged out of hospitals in chains and shackles, and I’ve demanded a lot of things from hospitals and doctors over the years, our friends think we have all the answers.
Vince is lucky. He’s famous for being the smartest, most levelheaded, steady, reliable and adorable guy in the world. Me? I get the notoriety of being the proverbial rock, as in “between a rock and a hard place.” Taking no for an answer is not in my playbook. You don’t want to get in my way when I’m organizing something, or you will end up firmly clipped to a barbed-wire clothesline. I can get You-Knighted States Senators to park my car. I take every defective purchase back to the store and always get a cash refund. When I call the bank, they just waive any fees to avoid the hassle of talking to, uh, me.
Since I’m sure you get the picture by now, just imagine what hospital records departments have had to deal with. When told “you can’t have that” and it’s something I need to take care of someone I love, I am relentless. I’ve always gotten what I came for, but not without some big damned silly, er, disturbances. No handcuffs have been involved yet, but ….(HINT: When the guys in uniforms show up, smile and suddenly become unfailingly reasonable. Pisses ‘em right off. When they leave, you can just swipe the folder and bolt.) (Oops….Um, Vince? Did you know about that one?)
I’m proud to report that one doctor’s office staff refers to me as “that woman” and now gives me anything I want immediately. Reputation is not as high on mine and Dorothy’s lists as taking care of loved ones. If I remain kind and reasonable as long as possible, and only escalate to teeth-gritting, death-stare, devil-voiced determination when the refusals go on and on and on…..it comes out even with Heaven.
I’ve always wondered if they are suspicious of imposters demanding strangers’ medical records. Do they think I’m selling them on eBay, or something?
So. What would REALLY happen if people like Dorothy were simply handed Auntie’s medical records? Would anyone turn purple and explode? Would the hospital walls come-a tumblin’ down? Would Britney Spears wake up and smell the coffee?
Since we all know the answers are Of Course Not, why is the manila folder not in Dorothy’s hand?
I’m sad to say this, because rules-following is against my nature, but unfortunately there really is a point in saying we can’t have random manila folders full of important medical records being schlepped all over country and town, un-kept-track-of, multiplying like wire hangers, getting lost in the dryer like socks.
You see how I have neatly worked this around to WE NEED STANDARDIZED ELECTRONIC RECORDS?
Whatever gadgetry you health care people come up with, I’m for it. Dorothy might not understand the technology, but she would understand she didn’t need to. If you handed her a thumb drive and said, “Good on you, trot this over to the new hospital; everything you need is on it,” I’m willing to bet she would have taken it and run. Being an intelligent woman and all.
I’ll leave it to you folks to solve little problems like privacy and security and specific technology. I know from nothing about that, but knowing many of you through Vince I have nothing but confidence that you will pull it off and change the world. I love people who are willing to go to the mat for a cause.
Oh, and call your mother if you still have one, and tell her you love her –
Jill
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